On my way home everything seemed to be fine. Just fine! Neither I caused any harm to my society nor did the society cause so to me. Fine, indeed! Simply fine! Such was my life as to narrate peacefully until facing…
Where the hell is this place!…Ah!nasty smell all around…!Where the hell am I? Gonna be something terrible!Hold on,hold on…!Prevent them from sycophancy..!No more treachery..!No more oppression..!Where are those patriots…No places for the traitors…Stop sucking…oiling…fuck them all…just fuck them all who’re responsible for the bastards..!…kings…British…zaminders…pakistanis..!Where the hell is such gallantry…miss them all…Haque…Vashani…Mujib…Save their dignity…dignify the liberty…!Vive la liberté…!
Stop regarding Hitler as scape goat!What about the others!…The invaders,the outlaws…Why the hell those power-mongers will be spared!…Chain those curs maligning humanity…no more barkings…tolerate their lurkings no longer…!Destroy royal hammam…stop pornos in the name of e-commerce…stop usury in the name of profits…revive mit ghemr…!Impound the vacuum-cleaning system…! Save the humanity from interest-mongers…banking draculas…enslavement-prone capitalists…modern posterity of Rothschild…! Unfortunate enslavement of different classes…! Fucking colonialism, exploitation, genocide…! Good heavens! How ruthless…!Not once…not twice…more than thousands of times…! Merciless pogroms over and over again…! Oh, Almighty, save me from this hellish dungeon…! Thousands of dead corpses and skeletons scattered around! How long shall we let the war criminals go free!…Where’re those brave freedom-fighters! Why are the living ones left behind!…
It was a period of my childhood when everything used to be observed with a clear heart through innocent and surprised eyes.
Everything— toads floating on a drain, a swarm of grasshoppers flying away over the paddy field while getting threatened by the children playing around, squirrels descending from the large trees on both the sides of avenue eating something with fear of getting caught in the silent afternoon, unknown insects of different kinds and colours floating to and fro on the drain flowing along the avenue,blowing whistle for attracting the attention of few dogs playing around in the peaceful sunny afternoon when sunlight became golden and tolerable,sniffing soil-smell saturated with rotten jute-weeds creating an intoxicating feeling in the air while peeing from the isle moving the penis from left to right,feeling wild sensation with the smell of mud— seemed to be surprising and attractive;sometimes seductive!I didn’t understand, why? Why did I feel otherwise near bushes and crop fields in the silent afternoon, sometimes being accompanied by one or two buddies and sometimes being alone.
Was it the cause of my approaching towards puberty or my built-in/inherent human wilderness or my puerile whimsicality,whatever!I didn’t mind feeling like that, a feeling of sensational joy beyond explanation! But our gross mentality demands explanation.
Looking for explanation in every case leads us to such a state of egoism from where sometimes we start thinking that we’re capable of understanding everything if we try! At this point I think otherwise! So, I let few human issues remain unexplained and let them be mysterious! Actually we, human beings, are born mysterious; So, this is how we’re bound to cope with mysterious acts of nature overlooking its causes. Perhaps, some shouldn’t be unearthed as such mysteries provoke some sort of curiosity that’s one of the most important human criteria makes human beings go ahead. Such sort of thought would come to my mind while I was getting used to the thoughts of my next-door uncle accompanying me at least three times in a week.
But I couldn’t catch all his words.Beneath my childish whims a premature sense struggling for the solutions gets different ways to quench the thirst for knowing something new.In the conversation between us he kept speaking and I did nothing but making sounds:Ah!Oh!Aha!Oho!Really!What!Jow!When!Why!Terrible!Horrible!…
- How’re you,my boy?Going there as usual?
- With somebody or alone?
- Of course,with somebody!
- As I’ll accompany you if you like!
- At your age,I was somewhat like you;I mean,like you I would like to walk alone by the roadsides,on the isles of corn-fields,along the highway in the sunny afternoon…don’t you feel some sort of nothingness?Into such nothingness mind nurtures an intent to get lost without knowing where,how,why…!Don’t you feel like that?I’m telling you,it’s not bad sometimes at your age.It would help you grasp the meaning of serenity into the chaos of social life!
- Yes,of course! You know,Society is a part of life.But this mundane life requires serenity to reach the level of spirituality.
- Different strata of human beings having different faiths and ideologies belonging to this society have made the very society chaotic,thus resulting in tension, depression, restlessness into human minds.But one has to gain serenity through these mental constraints by dedicating oneself to the loneliness in the forms of prayer,meditation,service to the humanity…!Of course, very few persons have that level of capacity to enjoy fully the purity of serenity avoiding very easily mundane gains.
- But there’s a hope in dedication as you wouldn’t be deprived of experiencing the joy of being in touch with the world of serenity even if you fail to reach that level. You know, if someone harnesses the ways of good deeds he or she gets at least some mental satisfaction thinking of his/her own efforts having been engaged so far in such a try at the end of the day!
- I see!
- Really, I mean it! You would understand what I’ve told you. Just stick to whatever your soul desires. Do alone, otherwise go find out your soul mate! It’s really difficult to have someone like that. Just stick to your cordial effort. Got it!
- I’m trying!
- Yeah, keep trying. You do have that talent. Just have faith! Believe what your soul guides rather than being slave of your mind. You may ask—why? In response to your question, I would say human mind may be influenced by thousands of whims; whereas soul plays role as a safeguard against the mental activities.
- Sorry, explain bit more!
- I mean to say, what your mind desires may be rejected by your soul. The purity of soul depends on how much pure activities are being done by our mind and allowed by our conscience. Understood? Well, for example, if you try to tell a lie to somebody, your mind may provoke you to proceed on but your conscience would forbid you to do so. Actually protecting the holiness of our soul depends on how much our mind can be controlled by our conscience.Ok, that’s all for today! I’d like to leave you here! Would it be all right? I’ve to reach there within 30 minutes! Ok, bye!
- Sure, see you later! I’ll stay here bit longer for strolling around. Thanks a lot for accompanying me so far. From this man I’ve got a lot to enlarge the world of my own thoughts. At his point where I’m standing right now is the juncture of two roads: one leading to the place where Hat is organized once in a week and the other one leading to the train station.
(To be continued)